The live bomb

Dramatis Personae:

Man - a nice man about 30. He is dressed in medieval style clothes, something like modern image of Robin Good, and accordantly armed. .
Live Bomb - a beautiful girl looked about 20 in light dress, like a Greek tunic.

Act I
The fairy-tale forest. The man goes by the small path. The young girl is appeared.

Man: Are you the infamous live bomb?
Girl: Precisely.
Man: Why didn't you blow up right away?
Girl: No point. You aren't going anywhere. Damn you! You had to select this particular path, didn't you!
Man: Why?
Girl: It is each bomb's dream to take out an entire squad. A hundred strong That's the surest way to get a memorial. What good are you to me when you're alone?
Man: I am sorry. Honest, I am.
Girl: Forget it. It's okay. We just didn't get a break, neither of us, is all.
Man: That's true.
Girl: So whaddya say? Do I explode or what?
Man: Wait. I need some time to pray.
Girl: Go ahead. There's no rush. Just bear in mind, if you have any tricks up your sleeve, forget it. The moment I realize I'm losing control over the situation, I go off. Automatically. Is that clear?
Man: Ouch.
Girl: My apologies for the corny language. Those are my built-in instructions.
Man: Funny.
Girl: What is?
Man: Those built-in instructions of yours. Listen, neither of us is in a hurry. Right?
Girl: Not that I know of.
Man: Tell me about yourself, then. Just a little bit. About all of you. I'd like to find out, before I die, who it was who got me in the end.
Girl: Awwww. I don't know about that...
Man: Why don't you sit down? Under the circumstances, standing upright is hardly a virtue. Neither of us stands the slightest chance of catching a cold. No point worrying about getting your clothes dirties, either.
Girl: That's true
Man: Yeah. Do you smoke?
Girl: No. I wouldn't mind trying, though, if you gave me one.
Man: Sure. Here. Where I'm going, I won't need them. The cigarettes, I mean. But, you know, smoking shortens your life expectancy.
Girl: Now, that's really funny. Ahem, ahem... I'm not saying I could enjoy this on, like, a regular basis. Nevertheless, there's something to it.
Man: No kidding. Well, go ahead. Tell me.
Girl: What do you want to know?
Man: Who were your Mom and Dad? How did you come to be a bomb? I'm really curious.
Girl: You don't know anything?
Man: I'm from a different world.
Girl: It's clear. Everyone knows that bombs alive have neither mum, nor daddy, nor childhood. The product of elfin magic. It's insulting, but what to do? Such I have appeared.
Man: Who is fine now?
Girl: Yea. But I feel worse than everybody.1
Man: Oh, do you know funny stories?
Girl: Not really... But I am a clever girl.
Man: I see... So, you have appeared already adult?
Girl: Of course. With all enclosed instructions...
Man: Mind and very nice body.
Girl: Thanks for a compliment. And about the mind, how is without it? If to follow not by a mind, you always would be deceived. Elfin magic does not knit brooms. (2)
Man: I understand. But, listen, magic is magic, but you are looked so intelligent. You can talk...
Girl: Do you want to offend me? I'll detonate now.
Man: Not at all! Wait! It is a compliment too. I don't stop to admire you. Honestly. How long you have lived up to...
Girl: Up to what?
Man: Up to today.
Girl: Nothing at all. A sleeping mode is not a life completely. I already told you, my entire mind was enclosed initially.
Man: That is the strangest! I was born small, helpless and nothing aware. Then I lived for a long time, too much studied. Only afterward I have became to be a man, which you see.
Girl: I know. You are a natural. It is visible at once. Look at me closely. Did you ever see such exact face for a natural woman or even a fairy?
Man: And a body too. Never.
Girl: That's what it is! Tell me, that I am a beautiful.
Man: You are very beautiful! Moreover, you are the most beautiful woman, which I ever see. Honestly. But I cannot to understand one little thing. You are intelligent, and you are going to detonate the completely unfamiliar person and to perish yourself. Where is logic?
Girl: You are an enemy.
Man: Why do you think so?
Girl: You are armed, you have no elfin sign, and you go on this road. So, you are an enemy, and you should be eliminated. I was generated for this purpose.
Man: I understand. I am a really enemy your creators. Nothing personal, only the will of Heavens and situation. I really went on this road. And, it is true, I had the most bad intentions concerning your creators. But tell me, please, why they have given you a mind? Only don't take offence! It was possible to put the ordinal mine.
Girl: But if an elf would choose this way? Or elfin squad? In this case I continue to sleep, but a simple mine would detonate.
Man: But a simple magic mine can be locked by elfin amulets too.
Girl: Yes, but not in the all-possible variants. The allied squad can be only headed by elf. Then the interlock can be not enough.
Man: And what then?
Girl: The bomb will wait with detonating, while the squad will pass. Or will follow in the place, where elf-captain will command.
Man: But put to sleep again?..
Girl: Impossible.
Man: It is pity.
Girl: Not so. I already have said: it is not a life in a sleeping mode.
Man: I understand.
Girl: You understand nothing! But nevertheless your company is pretty and interesting for me. I even don't want to detonate.,. Well... But even the cigarette is finished?
Man: Don't worry! I have one more. So... May I move closer to you?
Girl: Why not? Please.
Man: It's better. Listen, may I kiss you?
Girl: What for?
Man: For nothing. You are pretty. I am? devilish pretty. We should be detonated. Why not to give each other a little pleasure finally?
Girl: Are you sure that it will be pleasant for me?
Man: And are you sure that not?
Girl: Well, kiss. - She affectedly has offered a cheek. - Only don't forget, if I feel something wrong, I detonate at once!
Man: And do you want? To detonate, I mean.
Girl: How to say...
Man: You see. Moreover I don't want too. So, let without mutual threats. Let us don't overshadow the final hours.
Girl: Well, are you going to kiss me, or I have to sit here till night?
Man: Frankly speaking I have no objections. No, don't angry, my precious!

Tender embracing the girl the man kisses the girl. Her cheek, her lips, then more and more.

Girl: How have you called me?
Man: My precious... Excuse me...
Girl: It's okay. Thanks! I never expect, that someone would call me so. Especially an enemy. Kiss me again.
The curtain

Act II
The same place and personages

Girl: It was a unique way to neutralize a bomb. Do you know such insects, bees?
Man: Yes, of course. They make of honey from flower nectar.
Girl: Bees, that collect a nectar are girls, for which a? a... (you understand me!), - this thing is converted into a sting. My „sting„, also was inextricably related, with the same... But we are not insects. And the magic works at the other level, rather the biology. So a working bee cannot turn to a normal girl, but a bomb alive can.
Man: I understand you, darling. But how elves have admitted such puncture, with their magic?
Girl: It is not a puncture. It is the Love. How do you think, I would be your woman in other case? And the love seems to be stronger even then elfin magic. Although they still don't know about it.

The man tender caresses girl's hair.
Man (to the auditorium): Today I exactly will not tell you about the Sappers' Guild.
The curtain
Abutrab Aliverdijew (2004)
Author is grateful to Vladimir Romanovsky for the help with the English version.

(1) There is well known in Russia line of short funny stories about Sarah and Abraham. One of them is:
– Abraham, I feel bad.
– Oh, Sarah, who is fine now?
Next morning Abraham finds that Sarah is dead.
– Oh, darling, why you didn?t tell me that you felt worse than everybody?
(2) It is Russian proverb „the firm does not knit brooms„, which means „the firm makes something serious and very qualitative„.

Abutrab Aliverdijev